Explaining the Metaphor "Love is War"

The phrase "Love is War" seems like one of the most prevalent examples of metaphors in our society. It looks like there are several different angles of interpretation for this metaphor. First is to see the romantic relationship as being an interaction between the conquered and the conqueror. As an example take the metaphor "she conquered my heart." A very quick survey of literary history shows that this way of speaking did not appear until the time of chivalry in the middle ages, that is, around the 12th century with the earliest expressions of courtly love. There the lover is smitten by the beautiful love of his life, usually some princess of noble blood who was virtually impossible for him to attain. This may be because of her terribly high social status, or the fact that she is already married to someone else. But this only allows the lover to put his lady up on a pedestal and idealize her. Also, this idealized relationship encouraged the lover to fight battles, slay dangerous creatures, and compose songs of praise for his beloved. The final outcome of his efforts is to finally reverse the direction of their love relationship, and finally "win her heart and soul", even if that victory remains only on a purely emotional level.

However there is also a negative way of looking at this metaphor. There is that sense where the lovers are engaged in a struggle for dominion over the other, until one finally succumbs. Such as in "she fled/resisted his sexual advances", or "he violently pursued her." Though initially there might have been something generally noble and traditional the sense of courtship and finally winning the lover's heart, I think nowadays it's more unconsciously used in the sense that the sad French philosopher Sartre would have it, in that every romantic relationship is doomed to failure because the lover only wants to make the other into an object, a possession, while himself being objectified and possessed through the other person's eyes. In this sense of wanting to "possess" each other as objects, it would be a hopeless war with no peace in sight. I certainly do not think that such a love which looks at the other as a possession, i.e. for his or her body and benefits, can be still counted as love and not lust.


The last way of viewing this metaphor is to see the war as coming from outside the relationship, as an opposing army besieging a beautiful castle. So we have phrases like "You and me against the world", or "We have to fight for our relationship." This can be viewed as a more defensive and protective expression of love, which defeats or repels everything that acts like a threat to the relationship. I suppose this too is a beneficial way of looking at the metaphor so long as it is not taken too extremely. Many factors outside the relationship can threaten it to breaking point, but there are also equally many other things out there which can enrich and strengthen it.

If you're looking for more metaphors for love, and especially less popular ones, you can check out the examples of metaphors enumerated by Kövecses in his "Metaphor and Emotion. There are also good resources recommended in the website below.

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By Jeremiah Visit this Examples of Metaphors Website for more useful information. (show bio)